In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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