you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
