She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
