why didn't you poke me back
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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