i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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