Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
