i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
