I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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