Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
