I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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