When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
