Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
