i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
