I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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