Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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