dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
