i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
