Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
