i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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