***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
