need another drink. this is the easiest way
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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