Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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