were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
