You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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