Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
