Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize