mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
