this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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