hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
