You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize