Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
