We're facebook friends in real life
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
