Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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