You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
