Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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