Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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