when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
