Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
