just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
