It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
