mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
