chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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