he wants to bone in the snuggie
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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