I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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