I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
