Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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