everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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