I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize