Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
