Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
