Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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