My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
