Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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