Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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