8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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