conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
