My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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