It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
