I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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