I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
