lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
