sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
