I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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