I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
