I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
