Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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