i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
