if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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