Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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