He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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