Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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