Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
